Kolaveri Girls

And not just the attractive pipes, either. These chicks can sing… whether it’s pop, country, or some French music genre which is probably considered pop. Talented girls are great; but hot girls with talent are just so much better. It’s like comparing cookies and cookies on top of cake, brownies and pie, really.

Carrie has done so well since her time on American Idol, that I honestly forgot she was even on American Idol. (Which is a good thing, trust me.) Her songs are great (I would imagine if I liked country), her ass is tight, and her face is cute as hell. She is an all-around awesome chick. I bet if I married her, I’d wake up every morning to freshly made pancakes and bodily pleasures.

Sure, Katy Perry may be kind of a crazy whore. But you have to love that. Her music is catchy and her voice is surprisingly sexy. I hate when her music comes on in public settings because then I have to find clever and cartoony ways of hiding my boner. Like standing behind things that are coincidentally boner-height. Even if she gets married to the man-whore Russel Brand, I know that deep in her heart she’ll still think of me and that one time I awkwardly bumped into her ass in Tasti D Light.

I can’t understand one word of her songs, but that doesn’t matter a bit. Alizee is famous online for shaking her hot, French booty all over the stage. Blizzard wouldn’t feature her dance in World of Warcraft for nothing. Her body is amazing and her face makes me think that I’m attracted to a 14 year old. And she isn’t 14. … right? Right?

True, she is a great singer. I’ve heard her country songs and although I hate country with every fiber of my being, I can admit that she is talented. However, I cannot decide if she is retarded or hot. It’s a complete mystery. Sometimes I want to rub myself all over her face and other times I don’t know if I should tie a bib on her and feed her scrambled eggs.

I have no idea if this chick still sings, but she has been getting hot as hell recently so I thought it would be wise to include her on the list. I think right now, she is famous only for being hot. She hasn’t been on television or in movies. The only pictures of her online are some paparazzi pictures of her walking dogs, bending over, or starring in Maxim photoshoots. I can deal, though. I can also hope that she has secretly been working in the porn industry and in a year we’ll see the release of “Lizzy Maguire Gets Rammed.”

I wouldn’t be caught dead watching High School Musical 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6… but sometimes I’m tempted when I think of how hot Ashley Tisdale is. she hasn’t done much beyond look hot and be in High School Musical, but she is young. Soon, she’ll go through a whore phase that results in some awesome leaked videos and photographs. Then, we’ll be treated to her spiraling down into crack addiction. A year later, she’ll be cleaned up and star of a gritty reboot of High School Musical where they all are addicts and/or get shot. Yay stardom.